When things are going well, we feel we are doing the right things in life. We feel we are in control. We feel we are on the right path. However, when things don’t go as well as we want them to be, we feel lost. We wonder if we are on the right path, we wonder if we have missed something along the way to be where we are. We wonder if…….and if…….and if…… Am I on the right path?
I hear that question a lot in my head these days. I never thought I would be married, or have kids. Now that I am married, with 2 children (our son was born last week hence the delay in posting this), it does baffle me sometimes what happened along the way. It’s not quite the life I had in mind when I was young, but I don’t go and think about it as I always live my life and make decisions on what feels right rather than what is right, even when it doesn’t make any sense at all.
Logics and reasons don’t have much say in my decision making process, and that so called process itself usually doesn’t have much of a process other than a feeling inside me. My heart is my compass and there is no map in my world as I feel that a map will only limit my horizon. I don’t want to be defined or bound by a pre-existing map, I want to discover my own map.
Both my husband and I are looking at doing something different for our lives. Previously, it was just me on the loose end, and now with both of us in the same boat, with 2 young kids, not knowing exactly what and where next, living in one of the most expensive cities, it does get a bit scary and worrying. The uncertainty keeps us on our tippy toes often enough, and lately, keeps my husband awake at night.
It’s an open book now. We can write and do what we want. Obviously we are finding it a bit challenging to even write the first word, let alone a page or a chapter, not having any clearer clue as to which way to go to. But we must keep our minds calm so that we can listen to our hearts and feel our heartbeats, or else we will lose our bearing.
When the flow in our lives says it’s the time to make that big change that we want, we follow. We will need to make a step as soon as I am fit enough. When we embrace the unknown, we will be embraced by our flow in life. As dark as the tunnel may be, we will go in. Only when we conquer our own fear to go into the darkness, will we be able to see the light at the other end.
People sometimes make comments about this very move of ours. They say “we are brave” but I say “how much do you want it”. We are all brave. We will all do what it takes to get what we truly desire. The question is “how much do you want it?” If it’s truly what you want, you will do anything to make it happened. Brave or not, it’s up to you to decide.
So, am I on the right path? I can never answer that question with 100% certainty. But, I know that I live my life with my heart and I answer every calling that I feel in the flow of my life. With that knowing, I know I am on my path even when it takes me to places where I don’t want to be.
Having the heart as the compass is both easy and difficult.
– Easy in a sense that one doesn’t need to think too much. Often, we seem to have many choices in life but, I feel that, in reality, there is always only one choice that resonates with us, and that one choice stands out like a sore thumb when the mind quiets down. In a way, the decision is kind of made for us. Whether it makes any practical sense or not, it’s a different story.
– Difficult in a sense that the mind likes to be active and involved in almost everything we do. The mind helps us live in this practical world. We use our minds for survival, be quick on our feet and maneuver the daily obstacles. The mind is influenced by many things which don’t always belong to us. At times, it tells us the opposite of what the heart truly desires.
We need our mind to live in the world that we live in but we need to know when to quiet the mind and let the heart do the talking. To learn to find the balance between the mind and the heart, specially when life is at a big cross junction, is no simple task but utterly doable if we are willing to.
Let the year of Goat be your truthful year.
Let your heart be your compass on your journey.
Let your heart do the talking as well as the singing.