I Believe

I always believe that I have a life purpose or mission to achieve. I didn’t know what it was supposed to be and I can’t say right now I know exactly what it is either. But I am closer to knowing, I think. Whether it is an inner knowing, intuition, sixth sense, gut feeling, or a dream, whatever you want to call it, it’s simply something that I hold dearly to myself and I always trust it no matter what. It’s difficult to put it in words unless you feel it yourself.

For now, I think I am here to share my experiences with others, in particular, how to find your own flow in life. Life is not an action plan. We simply can’t write down a list of what we want to do and tick those boxes. Certain things, such as “I want to go bungy jumping” or “I want to learn how to play piano” may fit into a “To Do” list. However, there are many things we can write down and plan as much as we want but we will have to learn how to time it and sense when that timing is right. I do believe there is a time for everything. That doesn’t mean we sit back and wait for it to come. It means we go and do it but we do it with a sense of being, not just a sense of doing.

It is easier said than done, I know. The number of times I feel like banging my head against the wall because I am doing what I feel I need to do but not getting the response that I think should come with it. I quit my secure job in Hong Kong for Los Angeles because I felt I needed to be there and I followed that. In the 2 years I was there, I cold-called the white and yellow pages, joined as many networking groups or social mixers as I could find, contacted as many headhunting firms or employment agencies as I could find, posted my CV to every search engine people suggested… The list went on and on. All I had when I went there was a bit of savings. The rest I just found my way round, ie finding a place to live, getting a car, etc.

Trying to get your foot into the US is not easy. I don’t understand why they make it so difficult. I have legitimate and good business skills and knowledge and I wasn’t going to live off from its social welfare.

One company did offer me a job but I declined as I felt guilty taking up a job that I didn’t want just for the sake of a work permit. I knew how much work it would entail to file all the papers for the permit and I simply didn’t have the heart to take it knowing that I would eventually move onto something else. Call me silly even though I needed that permit badly to guarantee my stay in the US as well as the little income that would come with it. My conscience just wouldn’t let me do it.

I did find a job that suited me but the company wasn’t willing to do any paperwork for the permit. That experience repeated itself many times during the course of my stay in the US. You can imagine how desperate, if not frustrated, I got each time it happened since I went there with just a knowing, with nothing else to rationalize. Each time I was in doubt, I just sat and cried, asking myself the same question over and over again “what am I doing here?” The mind wanted a logical answer to satisfy itself and that answer never came. As soon as I finished crying and that frustration came out together with the tears, I was back on my feet and ready to give it another try. The heart requires no answer or reason. The heart only needs your trust. And with trust comes courage.

Whilst I was finding a way to stay legally, I also started doing some gatherings, hoping to launch myself into a speaker, a facilitator, an inspirer, a teacher, a sharer, a friend, whatever term you want to use. And the result – one person turned up for the 1st session. I didn’t feel disappointed but I didn’t feel great either. After all, my head was demanding an answer which I didn’t have whereas my heart was saying “just trust”. Who would win the battle – the mind or the heart?

I recently read a book called Choose Yourself, by James Altucher. In one of the chapters, he said there is no life purpose. My life purpose is today. If we keep thinking there is one, then we are constantly living in the future. Or at least that\’s my interpretation of his message. Given that he is more famous than I am, he has written more books than I have (my 1st book is still being written), he has more followers than I have on my blog (I have just started mine), he has made more money than I have, I did stop and think if what he said was true. Is there really no life purpose in life?

His message made me question myself and my belief. After all, he is out there and I am in here. But as I have learned thus far in my life, we are all different and we are all here to do different things. We all have different feelings and perspectives. What works for him doesn’t mean it works for me. If we were all the same, the world would be a less interesting place. After all, he lives his life and I live mine. He knows what he knows and he does what he does. I know what I know and I do what I do. He chooses to believe in himself and I choose to believe in myself, just as he said – choose yourself.

With that, I continue to believe in myself and live with the flow of my life.